Sugar, and Spice, and Everything MICE!!!

I Hate, repeat, HATE MICE! There is nothing in the world I fear more than mice, well maybe rats. I actually got sick to my stomach when I watched Ratatouille. At 6'2" and 230 lbs, you would think I wouldn't have a problem with a mouse that's 6.2 cm and 230 mg. We live in a very old house - clean, but old. We had our sugar and spices in the laundry room with the rest of our food storage. A couple weeks ago, I heard something that sounded like a mouse scurrying in the walls. I told Heather about it, but we didn't hear anything after that. Heather's work had a food drive, so she started collecting food from our food storage yesterday. We saw evidence of Stuart Big and his little family. Stuart and his family had started preparing for a hearty Thanksgiving meal by getting into our marshmallows and brown sugar. They were probably looking to make some candied yams. Heather, knowing that furry little vermin were the bain of my existence, scared the chocalate pudding out of me. As she cleaned up the mice pudding Stuart's family left behind to mark their territory, I was holding a couple cans of soda. Heather screamed, "OH MY GOSH!!! There's a mouse!" I freaked out like a little girl. I literally shook both cans and started running in place. I then dropped the cans and ran into the kitchen, looking for high ground. Heather was laughing at my complete cowardice. We ended up buying some sticky traps (which are more humane then snapping their necks like twigs, I guess). I went to basketball that night to gain back some of my manhood that I lost earlier screaming like a seven-year-old girl. In the meantime, Heather set the traps up by tempting them with a little brown sugar on the sticky traps. We figured they would come at night when we were asleep, but they couldn't resist the brown sugar snare. As Heather worked on the computer, she heard a noise in the laundry room. She turned on the light to see Stuart on the ground with a big sticky trap stuck to his Charlie Browns. Of course she wanted to get a picture of Stuart to show me, so she took him outside and shut the door behind her. Of course it was locked, as Karma was getting her back for scaring me earlier. It was 10:30 p.m. and about 35 degrees. Sometimes I don't get back from basketball till 11:30 p.m. so she decided to hang out at Albertsons for a little bit and then to go the church I usually play at to find me. I had played basketball at a different church that week and we got done playing at 10:45 p.m. When I came home and I saw the TV on, the lights on, and the car still here, I could only assume that Stuart had eaten Heather. I decided to take a drive to clear my mind when a crazy person wearing only a t-shirt and jeans in the freezing cold came running towards my car as I sat at a light. I then realized it was Heather and we rode home. We ended up catching hopefully all of Stuart's family that night and the next day. We got their mugshots below to prove it. They were sentenced to death by drowning, which is less cruel than death by snapping of the neck. -Rob


  1. SICK! Hate mice too but LOVED the story...who knew Rob was such a great story-teller??

  2. i truly can't remember the last time i laughed so hard! thanks rob!

  3. I laughed harder than i should have. Hillarious!!!