On November 5th Rob and I found out we were pregnant! It was planned, so we were very excited.
So I scheduled the ultrasound for my next visit and decided that if I was going to need an early ultrasound I wasn't going to tell people I was pregnant until after... just to be sure everything was alright.
On Wednesday, the 21st of Dec (11 1/2 weeks), I noticed I was spotting just a bit. I thought that was unusual for me since I never spotted with Molly and never in between a monthly cycle. Still I wasn't too concerned since I'd read it's totally normal for pregnant people to spot in their first trimester. So I decided to just call and let my doctor know.
The assistants at my doctor's office reassured me several times that spotting was completely normal, but that I should stop by that day and they'd just check the heartbeat. So at noon I headed down to Provo for a little check up. The first assistance tried for several minutes to find a heartbeat and couldn't so she had another assistant try. When she had no luck either they decided to send me to the hospital for an ultrasound.
I walked around the mall with Molly for a couple hours while I waited for my appointment at the hospital and drank the 32 oz of water I was instructed to an hour before. As I headed for the hospital, I was excited to see our little baby on an ultrasound and hoped they give me pictures to take home. I checked in and was called back.
The technician began doing a normal ultrasound, but about a minute into the ultrasound she said she needed a better look. She had me empty my bladder, which I was glad since I was about to burst from drinking all that water, and did a vaginal ultrasound. The technician was very quiet. I couldn't tell if that was just her personality or if she'd found something wrong. I really wanted to ask her about what she was seeing, but stopped myself several times, mostly because she was so quiet. When she finished she said she was going to call my doctor and my doctor would talk to me.
Once the doctor was on the phone she told me that the baby had stopped growing and I was going to have a MISCARRIAGE in the next few days. I was shocked! I really hadn't had many concerns until the day before. I was having all the pregnancy symptoms and even threw up right before I left the house that day. I was extremely sad to get the news and by the end of the call I was in tears.
The doctor wanted to send me over to the lab to get some blood work done before I left. As I left radiology and asked how to get to the lab, I was surprised at how unfriendly the staff was to me. Obviously I had been crying and each person I talked to was cold and unfriendly. I felt terrible. I then had to wait in the lobby with Molly for over an hour before they took me back to the lab. And even when I got back to the lab I waited another 30 minutes before I could have a tiny vile of blood drawn. It was hard having received such sad news to wait for so long by myself taking care of Molly.
We'd planned on spending time with my family over Christmas, but knowing I would have a miscarriage at anytime we decided it would be better for us to stay home so I could be somewhat comfortable. On Christmas Eve around 4 pm I started cramping. It just so happened that I'd planned to eat dinner at 5:30 so I was trying to prepare the food when I started to get uncomfortable. I was grateful for the distraction though, since the pain of cramping just kept getting more and more intense. I even remember thinking, "Okay, I want and epidural now." The pain was that intense. About 5 pm the miscarriage started. It was awful. I passed quite a bit of blood and tissue and spent most of the night in the bathroom, which I was okay with since I just wanted the whole experience to be over with. I did get to eat our Christmas Eve dinner of ham, cheesy potatos, hot rolls and pistachio salad, but only in short bouts.
At 11 pm we decided to head to bed. I went to the kitchen to do a couple of things and remember I felt a little weird, like I might faint, so I started to go down to my knees. The next thing I remember was Rob trying to pull me up off the floor. I looked at him... he looked terrified... and I kept asking him, "What's going on?" over and over again until he told me I'd fainted, hit my head on the floor, and convulsed a bit. He helped me to the bed and that was our night. I had a hard time falling asleep since the fainting episode scared me and I wondered if I'd lost too much blood. I eventually fell asleep and I'm feeling a lot better today!
Emotionally we're very sad to loose our baby, but we know it was the Lord's will. We can accept that. I felt like having another child was a righteous desire of ours and remember telling my sister that if it wasn't right then we'd have a miscarriage. Although we wanted another child, Heavenly Father had other plans for us. We even feel like in hindsight there are several reasons why the timing might not have been right for us. So we'll trust in the Lord now and know that someday we'll have another baby, just not a baby that would be born on July 8th 2012.